SCREAMING
(Source: thehopefoolignorant)
My dad just emailed me this huge list of puns oh my god
I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.
When chemists die, they barium.
Jokes about German sausage are the wurst.
I know a guy who's addicted to brake fluid. He says he can stop any time.
I stayed up all night to see where the sun went. Then it dawned on me.
This girl said she recognized me from the vegetarian club, but I'd never met herbivore.
I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.
I did a theatrical performance about puns. It was a play on words.
They told me I had type-A blood, but it was a Type-O.
We’re going on a class trip to the Coca-Cola factory. I hope there's no pop quiz.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?
Broken pencils are pointless.
I tried to catch some fog, but I mist.
What do you call a dinosaur with an extensive vocabulary? A thesaurus.
I used to be a banker, but then I lost interest.
All the toilets in New York’s police stations have been stolen. The police have nothing to go on.
I got a job at a bakery because I kneaded dough.
Haunted French pancakes give me the crêpes.
A cartoonist was found dead in his home. Details are sketchy.
The earthquake in Washington obviously was the Government's fault.
Be kind to your dentist. He has fillings, too.
My girlfriend and I wanted to cuddle, but we wanted to play Diablo too. This is what happened.
you guys
are my heroes
now that’s cuddling
how to cuddle correctly: a guide
(Source: revolutionary-grace)
i used to laugh at plankton because he’s married to a computer but now i am plankton
(Source: colfricans)
#oh Harry the things you don’t know about yourself could fill a book #in fact #they did #seven of them
Harry Potter and Holy Fuck I’m A Wizard
Harry Potter and Shit I Can Talk To Snakes
Harry Potter and When the Fuck Did I get a Godfather?
Harry Potter and There are Other Wizarding Schools?
Harry Potter and Oh My God I Can See What Voldemort’s Doing
Harry Potter and Snape Was Friends With My Mum?!
Harry Potter and Well Fuck Snape was a Good Guy All Along and Now I Have to Die Whyyyy
(Source: the-swedish-short-snout)
How to Flirt
- smile
- wink
- use cheesy pick up lines
- gently stroke cheek
- slowly lift rag drenched in chloroform and cover mouth/nose
- drag to car
(Source: wholewheat)
I decided to do this giveaway becouse everyone loves free stuff and everyone loves the Avengers.
So, here are the things I’m giving away: 1 Avengers T-shirt,1 Iron man USB flash drive, 1 Loki bobble-head.RULES:
- YOU MUST FOLLOW ME AND GIVE ME YOUR SOUL !!!!!!!!! lol jk, you don’t have to do any of that. Just reblog this post as many times as you want.
- Leave your ask box open so I can contact you if you win.
- The giveaway ends on the 8th of June.
- I will ship to anywhere in the world.
If you need any more information just send me a message. GOOD LUCK! :)
I decided to do this giveaway becouse everyone loves free stuff and everyone loves the Avengers.
So, here are the things I’m giving away: 1 Avengers T-shirt,1 Iron man USB flash drive, 1 Loki bobble-head.RULES:
- YOU MUST FOLLOW ME AND GIVE ME YOUR SOUL !!!!!!!!! lol jk, you don’t have to do any of that. Just reblog this post as many times as you want.
- Leave your ask box open so I can contact you if you win.
- The giveaway ends on the 8th of June.
- I will ship to anywhere in the world.
If you need any more information just send me a message. GOOD LUCK! :)
I decided to do this giveaway becouse everyone loves free stuff and everyone loves the Avengers.
So, here are the things I’m giving away: 1 Avengers T-shirt,1 Iron man USB flash drive, 1 Loki bobble-head.RULES:
- YOU MUST FOLLOW ME AND GIVE ME YOUR SOUL !!!!!!!!! lol jk, you don’t have to do any of that. Just reblog this post as many times as you want.
- Leave your ask box open so I can contact you if you win.
- The giveaway ends on the 8th of June.
- I will ship to anywhere in the world.
If you need any more information just send me a message. GOOD LUCK! :)
oh my god
